My time is valuable.
My inner circle is full.
I am living peacefully, so I will do whatever I can to protect that peace, even if it means saying no.

A gathering. A conversation. A detail about my life.
Unless I want to, I won’t go, I won’t share, and I won’t engage.

Neither should you.

Let’s take control of our time, our privacy, and our peace.

Today’s message. It’s okay to say NO. And I’ll show you how.

Part 1: Saying NO to your parents.

Growing up in an immigrant Muslim household, saying no barely existed in my vocabulary. It was seen as disrespect. And to be fair, Islam teaches us Ihsaan (excellence in how we treat our parents).

But here’s the reality. As a fully grown adult with responsibilities, work, and limited time, learning how to say no becomes necessary.

This isn’t just about parents, it applies to anyone. If you want a life you actually enjoy, saying no must be allowed, regardless of who you’re speaking to.

With family, it’s usually about gatherings. I love family time, but sometimes I have real priorities. An upcoming talk, important work, or simply the need to rest. Early on, I struggled with this, not because saying no was wrong, but because my approach was.

Over time, I focused on building a better relationship with my parents (this takes years). I shared my inner world with them (and I still do). I explained that some gatherings drain me spiritually, that sometimes I need quiet. That my time isn’t endless.

This isn't rejection, it's communication. You have to remember even your closest family don't really know what it's like to be you. They're more likely to understand if you take the time to show and explain.

I told them, with love and honesty, that I’m in my prime. This is the phase of life where I need to invest deeply in meaningful work and the right environments. My time is my most valuable asset, so I treat it as such.

I do not believe in spending my limited time on things that pull me away from my responsibilities, growth, or peace.

So we agreed on something simple - ask Daanish separately. Let me check my availability and I'll choose how I spend my time.

Sometimes I have work.
Sometimes I have plans.
Sometimes I just need rest.

I honestly think this distinction between child and adult is important to build a healthy household. I’m reasonable with it too, I don’t reject everything. But if I genuinely see no benefit, I won’t go. If that disappoints someone, I accept that discomfort. I don’t live to please people.

Alhamdulillah, my parents understand this. Of course, every parent-child relationship is different so you may not get it 100% your way, but even 60-80% is a win.

Part 2: Saying NO to questions.

People are nosy. Everyone wants access to your life.

As someone who keeps much of his life private, I get asked personal questions all the time.

Here’s how I deal with it.

You own the details of your life. All of them. You owe no one access unless you choose to give it. So when a question makes you uncomfortable, don’t rush. Pause. Ask yourself one thing.

Am I comfortable sharing this?

If you have to think about it, the answer is usually no.

How you respond matters more than what you say - the goal is simple; make them understand you won’t share and they don't take it personally.

My go-to response is always the same.

“This is something I consider personal, so I’d rather not share. But pray for my future and success.”

Most people understand and move on. If they don't, it's a big sign that you should distance from that person. If someone thinks I'm guarded or strange, that’s fine. I’d rather protect my privacy than overshare my life.

The first NO is the hardest.

I struggled at the beginning. People weren’t used to it. Some were offended.

That’s okay - you can't please everyone.

Over time, it became normal. It became part of who I am. Daanish values his time and privacy. Notice how the focus is on me, not on them?

It’s not personal. It’s just a boundary.

Years later, I say no more than I say yes. My family respect my time. My friends already know what I won’t discuss.

The result?

I live a life I actually like.

No pointless gatherings. No late nights driving home thinking, why did I even go. If I show up somewhere, it’s by choice, not pressure.

I would hate to look back on my 20s and think, if only I had learned to say no sooner, I’d have lived with more peace.

Alhamdulillah, I won’t and neither should you.

Btw if you're reading this far, thanks for being part of my most loyal readers. Next week I have something incredible to share with you all! Also some exciting announcements ahead of the new year insha'Allah. Last week a lot of you replied and I'm so grateful for each one. In all honesty, it's impossible for me to get back to each reply so I'm considering moving this over to Substack with an open comments section. That way you can interact and share thoughts on each post. Let me know your thoughts, I think it would be nice to make a writer's community.

Until next week,
Daanish.

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